words

Well I haven't written for a few days.

yesterday was so good

I slept in til about 11 which is crazy for me

and honestly sleeping that late is not my favorite thing

it wastes the day away

so when i woke up i did not feel like excerising but I

did and it felt great.

Today is another story

I got 5 hours of sleep and then

had school for 5 hours and 20 mins

and have not been feeling great all day

meaning I dont think the excersising thing

is going to happen even tho it needs to.

I feel like i have lost

but I feel like I don't look like I have.

I am just going to keep doing what I am doing.

Memory day...

Well it's memorial day so

my family started the day by visiting the cementary

to visit my mom's brothers grave as well as

great grandparents, a friend, and a baby cousin.

Then we went to Cub to get cook out stuff

because my parents have friends coming over

which I am not excited about because they have kids meaning I will actually have

to try to entertain them.

Not excited.

In between there somewhere I excersised and now I am super tired

a nap sounds lovely.

I don't feel like i have lost anything

but I am going to push on

and hopefully I will eventually.

Alright gotta finish getting ready and clean up my room a little bit.

Ugh

I need to get motivated and exercise

because I am meeting ppl for lunch and won't

have time the rest of the day.

Ugh I am mad at myself I was doing so good

yesterday

and then I had friends over and ate a about five cookies

and some crackers.

It's like instant failure

I didn't even want to eat it but it's habit

one that needs to be broken.

It has been beautiful out :)

tho my summer comes to an end in less then a week.

Ok motivation calls....

Baby steps

I got up early today to bring my dad to work

well really in all reality he drug me out

of bed so I could bring him to work.

Ugh I am positive that it is not safe for me to be driving

when I am barely awake but it is the price I pay

to use a car when ever I want

and really I am so greatful they let me use a car when I want.

Then I went and met some of my friends for breakfast

which was supposed to be on the beach

but it was crazy windy so we just ate in my van

then went on a short walk down the beach.

It was good I miss them we don't get to hang out

all together nearly enough.

I had to work tonight which I know is needed but I really think it

ruins summer.

I hadn't had time early today to work out

but I did tonight after work.

It's nothing big a two mile walk and some weight lifting

hopefully in time I will see progress.

Any ways I am tired I think I am going to go to sleep

or watch t.v or maybe I should read the bible.

No I know I should.

It's like i get one thing in check but I can't ever do it all at once.

I will in time be able to get everything going in nice harmony

for now babysteps.

I went on a 2 mile walk yesterday and worked out

so I think I am at a good start.

Now it's all about motivation even on days when I don't

want to or have very little time.

But, since it is summer I don't think I should have a problem.

:)

Now I am patiently (ok really not patient at all)

awaiting my over all grades for the semester.

I think that if everything stays where it is

(aka the teachers don't like put them on some weird curve or

whatever teachers like to do to make you freak out)

I should come out with:

A,A,A,B,C

ugh the C still makes me angry

one point from a B I was so trying to avoid C's.

w/e I shouldn't complain that is much better then I did last semester.

Yesterday I seemed to get a lot done and with the working out

I was actually tired at 11 and fell right to sleep.

Which is awesome since the past few nights it has been anywhere

between 1 and 4 that I have fallen asleep.

Due to not being tired and watching Gilmore Girls.

Any ways not really sure what I am going to do today...

talk to ya later.

Right now I am walking.

Ok well my spring semester is already over

and I am having a hard time believeing it.

I ended up doing excellent this semester ending the year with only

one C which actually made me really mad,

I worked super hard in that class and it was one point away from a B.

I was trying really really hard to stay away from C's.

Anyways my summer vacation is going to be short lived because I

am taking anatomy and physiology II this summer

twice a week for 4 hours

and actually I am looking forward to it tho I feel the cats

are going to smell even worse in the middle of the summer

lol.

As of now I have switched my major (or whatever it's called)

to Nursing.

Which scares the crap outta me.

I never thought in a million years I would even be interested in Nursing

much less actually persueing it.

I am excited except about the barfing

which yes I am so aware that it happens all the time in hospitals

but that is the one part I am scared silly about.

I hate barfing hate it wish God didn't create it to happen.

Always makes me feel sick after I see someone else doing it.

Anyways I am trusting in God that if this is where

I am supposed to be at that then I will get through the puke.

I went to the food self at the Vineyard today and helped out

bagging groceries for the clients.

It was a blessing to be able to do that they switched their system since

moving to the new building where we actually get to talk to the

people that have come down to the food self and that is really cool.

I met some really neat people and they were all so greatful.

I am embarking in the journey to lose weight.

I am not really sure how it is going to work

I think it will involve a lot of walking but it is going to happen this time.

I want to be so much skinnier by september.

Why September well I would rather not say.

So as of today cold and all I am going to start walking I mean really

it's summer theres nothing better to do with many days off in a row.

We will see how it works.

Yes I watch the Bigest Loser and I love it actually

especially this season. Anyways the trainers always make every contestant

get to the bottom of their weight problem and the reason they haven't done

anything till now. My reason is failure I have tried a few time it hasn't worked

I never stuck to it long enough. I have to this time.

I never want to be even clos to big enough to be able to apply to the ranch

Bob and Jillian scare me. So for now I am walking.

I will try to apply the food thing too

but right now I am walking.

Ok on to matters of the heart,

I let Jesus take it over once and for all at the winter retreat this year.

I had been getting really bitter without even really knowing it

and started taking it out on my family

I didn't want to go on the retreat but for some reason knew I had to

I did and one night during worship I literally felt my heart soften

it wasn't the speakers words or the music itself it was Jesus

and has stuck around ever since.

It wasn't an emotionally driven thing which is how I knew it

was real and I didn't tell anybody for about a week.

I never said anything to my parents they just knew I was different less grouchy

not on edge and kinder to them.

Yay God is good!

So I have slacked on my bible reading and prayer since that retreat

but Jesus is no less alive in me.

And that is one thing that I know for an absolute fact.

This year has had the most different kind of spiritual things in it.

One friend has started going to a church with twisty

docrine I am thinking mainly for the attention

and a lot of questions have been brought up

that I have never even heard about before.

I have doubted slightly just because I don't know the answers

and you know what I may never know them all.

Jesus is my Lord and Savior and really that's what matters

those other things I will figure out with time.

Gotta work on my bible reading.

So reading and walking my two major things to work on this summer.

I think for the day I am all blogged out.

Gotta change the laundry out and start walking.

NOthing will happen if I don't just start.

Weather I want to or not.

Right now it would be the later haha hopefully someday I will

actually enjoy working out.

Litterally seconds

I only have a few seconds before I leave to go help at the food self

but I can not believe that I haven't written on this for sooo very long.

I want to start up again now that the main school year is over and I will

actually have some time to enjoy it.

I will write more later...