Praying

I have a paper to work on

and a walk that needs to be taken

but I am not really in the mood for either.

So what shall I do in the mean time?

Blog of course.

What about?

I am not sure.

I went and talked to my advisor the other day

and although she didn't really help me.

Everything that I want

I have to try to figure out on my own.

You would think that they should be able to answer

all the questions we have but apparently NOT.

Anyways she did give me one peice of hope....

there is a small almost non exsistent chance

that I will get into the nursing program in the spring!

Like I said it is a small possibility because I finished my

last pre-req in the summer.

I just need to remember that it is all in God's plan

weather I get in this spring or have to wait

I need to give that year to God if waiting is what i have to do...

I am praying I get in in the spring...

I stumbled upon a womans blog one day

and proceeded to read all about her baby

who has a heart condition.

He's in the hospital again.

I just pray he gets better soon so he can go home.

It's his birthday

Praise the Lord he has taken breath for a year.

Father be with the family.

I might be getting a new job.

My mom's employer want to hire me!

I am super excited about it.

I pray that I can do it

and that it is a good place for me.

Praying

Well

My microbiology paper is kicking my butt

right now.

Not because the content is hard

but because the dialouge is not flowing.

I can't believe

it's over already.

My clinicals they are over.

Man I remember when the class started back in the fall.

I was nervous and excited all at the same time.

I also wasn't sure I was going to make it.

Sitting for hours on end is not fun

and that is what the first three class were.

We would sit and listen to her lecture

plus watch a few movies each night.

These were not good movies they were the kind

that make you want to pull your hair out

each strand individually.

My class took up until the last two weeks of class

to be comfortable together.

We would each talk to about one other person

but by the last two weeks of class we could sit in there

and have one big conversation

with yelling across the room and

a million smaller ones going on between two or three people.

One of the more memorable lines being:

"Guys what should I bring for the pot luck?"

"Kiwi's. No I am serious."

"NO not kiwi's I have had a bad experience with kiwi's!"

haha it was quite the conversation.

Anyways I thought it was sad that right when we were getting

comfortable together the class was over

EXCEPT for clinicals.

DUN Dun dun.

NO I was super excited for them to start

but insanely nervous that I would be sick the whole time.

The only night that I was really sick was the first one

and after that I was fine.

I think I went into eachnight with a stomach ache

but by the grace of my Savior they went away.

It is helpful to be so busy that you don't remember that

your stomach is in knots.

The class was split in half

and I think we got the bast half of the class.

We all got together so well

I am extremely sad that clinicals are over.

The one thing that I want to remember is how good I felt afterward.

It was rewarding something that makes you feel needed

no matter how gross or crabby, or heavy or combative

the person is.

I am scared now to go on and do it without a partner

especially because each night I had a guy for a partner

which was nice because

they are strong and can do all the heavy rolling and stuff.

I have yet to realize how I will be able to do it on my own.

It will be a learning experience.

I will miss my group I wish we could all work together

or something.

It is crazy for me to think that in August they were complete strangers

and by october we were thrown into a situation

which made us all alittle more valnurable which made us

friends i think is the right term.

Anyways,

I can't believe they are over

and I sincerly wish that they weren't.

I will miss my class and my residents.

Sporadic

Wow it is rediculous how sporadic my posts are.

So I have completed 3 nights of clinicals

and I love it!

It's rewarding and hard but I don't know

I just love it.

No matter how many mistakes you make

how many old people yell at you

you leave feeling good.

It has made me so greatful for the way that I can do the basic

things.

That's why I can handle it [which is the first question that everybody asks]

because they need it and it's those little things that make

them feel human still.

And even tho there are some people that are incredibly

crabby they still love you and the appreciative ones

are so much fun.

This is not something that I ever saw myself doing

in fact when I was young and my mom was working as a CNA

I swore I would NEVER be able to

nor would ever want to work as one

and here I am

I am going to miss my class

after monday we will not be working together ever again

we probabley won't see eachother either

it's actually kind of funny

because we have only known eachother for

about two months

and it was at the end of our in class stuff that we truely

started getting comfortable talking and teasing eachother

and then we were thrown into this

new slightly scary setting

where we had to apply the things that we had been

learning in lab

and we had to totally depend on eachother.

We are all comfortable together now.

I will miss each and every one of them.

I went on a Campus Crucade for Christ

retreat last weekend.

Originally I had been super excited about it

then when I was leaving I got nervous.

It's hard to go somewhere where a bunch of strangers are

needless to say I had a stomach ach all weekend

tho I am convinced that it was spiritual attack

I kept praying and made it trough all of the

weekend :)

it was an awesome experience

and to see how we all started out as complete strangers

and ended up being friends by the time

we all went home.

They introduced us to these things called summer projects

and I am going to seriously pray about going on one.

they run everywhere from 1 week to 11 weeks

it felt like God had dropped the oppurtunity into my lap

so i am going to pray and see.

it was a weekend where I can't really put how it affected me into words

but i am insanely glad I went.

the weekend was not without struggle.

For starters I was sitting in this group which was pre made

and we were sharing our life maps and for some reason

I was attracted to this kid sitting across from me and I could not figure out

why I was so much

and then it totally dawned on me

he reminded me of Nate.

He was like Nate's twin both in looks and personality

and upon that realization I got mad at myself.

Anyways it wasn't like i started liking this kid

tho I did find myself starring somethimes just

because I was amazed that two people could be so alike

tho this kid had one major diffrence was that Jesus was shining

BRIGHTLY thru him.

Then I remembered that Nate was supposed to be coming home

[nah i didn't actually forget just pushed it out of my head]

and I missed him a little tho I was glad I would have

an excuse to not see him.

It was a constant struggle of not reliving memories a nice little

temptation of sorts.

I also feel asleep during devotions :P

I was praying and then all of the sudden I was dreaming that

Nate was telling me that it was 11:23 and I needed to wake up

I shook my self awake and looked at my phone

and sure enough it was 11:23.

Anyways I was getting thru the weekend learning things

feeling the spirit fighting a stomach ache leaning on God

and fighting off memories of the guy that i had long liked

and fortunetly gotten over when sunday comes around.

we were waling out of the last session when i decided to check my phone

and there was a text from him

it was sent right around the time church would have gotten out

which made me feel... weird.

Anyways we texted

and i said something about hopefully seeing him before school

started

and he said ya for sure becasue i don't think that I will see him for a very

long time.

it was weird coming away from that weekend so wanting to just

serve my Jesus with no thought of wanting to wait around

for whoever I am waiting for. like i am

ready to ship off this summer

and put his life out of my head

it was so obvious on the way home how dfferent our lives are.

Anyways he is heading to the cities this weekend so I won't see him at church.

I am so at peace but I kinda want to see him

just to erase the other guys face from my head

because all tho they looked a lot alike it is not the same.

The other kid did plague my mind a little when I got home

so I decided I need to avoid him at all times

like tuesday i was going to go to cru at UMD but i knew that

I wasn't supposed to so I didn't. I am glad I didn't.

So I will keep you updated on how I feel when I see Nate for the first time

since June 21st.

That is all for now

two very good reminders that LIFE GOES ON