Wow it has been forever since I even remember logging into this.
I am sitting here, my body feeling wide awake and my eyes feeling
really really sleepy, thinking about so many things.
Things I could be doing instead of sitting on the internet, things
I want to accomoplish, things I should look into, prayers I want answered but
before answers the prayers need to happen.
Shall I make a list?
I think I shall:
1. my lips hurt so I put on some chap stick. the kind that
makes them tingle. yay.
2. I want to write. Which I do sparatically but it is not very often
and there is much imporvment that needs to happen. Lately I have been throwing
around the idea of minoring in writing. Do they even make that?
has that even been done? A major in nursing and a minor in writing?
I don't know if I would even be able to accomplish that
what with the clinicals and stuff. i do however want to find a school
that offers some more writing classes.
3. i still sometimes wonder if I am supposed to be a nurse. I really really want to be
one so I don't know if that is getting in the way of what I am really supposed to
be. I guess I will find out. It will be humiliating to tell people
if I do indeed switch [which i mentioned before I do NOT want to do] becasue
people seem to automatically think higher of you when you
tell them you want to go into the health feild.
4. back to writing i don't really want to become an author I just
want to learn how to write better.
5. my walk is crap lately. i don't know what happened or when I started getting
so lazy with it. I just don't do anything. I pray constently but not like I should
I haven't read my bible for a while. UGH.
6. in church on sunday I was hit with this realization that I am not sure
if it is from me or God but that I am not where I am
supposed to be. which scares me. I supposed if I fixed the problem above I could figure
out if that thought popped into my head on my account or
because I heard God speak.
7. Iam signed up to go on the Cru. retreat and I am overly excited about it.
I really can't wait to go and be with Jesus for the weekend which was my intent
on signing up. then i was plagued
with incredibly selfish reasons like:
I remembered it is the weekend he comes home
and I was even more excited that I would be outta town.
and there will be a ton of christian guys there that weekend
ones that could potentially be my guy. this is my problem I
don't want that weekend to be anything about guys
just Jesus and me. A refresher time away from life
to reconnect with my SAVIOR. I need it so badly.
8. Most of the time I am so over him but then there are moments
when i miss him so badly it hurts and i remember he could care
less about me and a peice of me crumbles and then I feel
rediculous and well it is an annoying cycle.
9.I really want my man. I am not a patient person, though I
am not confident in myself therefore there is no way I can
even imagine someone loving me in that way.
10. I really want to learn to run. I have been trying without success
it is hard and I really hate it. I want to love it.
11. It seems as if everything I start I don't follow through with
I want to break that habit.
12. I just deleted his girlfriend from my friends on facebook
and even though she will never know it felt good.
13. I really need to take a CPR class in order to get into the RN program for the fall. I keep
forgetting, is that God or just a lame mind???
14. I need to look into schools that will give me a bachleors in Nursing and offer
an NP program also one with creative writing
courses would be a plus.
15. I wish God would tell me my path.
16. I realize then I would not be taking anything by faith.
Those are the things I am thinking about.
In the order they hit my head.
I will get back on excersising.
I do not want to be one of those people that never does
anything because they are sitting around waiting
for oppertunity and love.
I need patience.
I need to sleep....
life goes on....
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