Here we go again

There are always a million ways

and things that i want to and

need to change about myself.

So here it goes again.

I have tried seriously to loose weight

three times nothing has worked

only because i get lazy.

So we are starting agian.

but it is not just my physical self i need to change

it is my spiritual self too.

it all goes hand in hand.

so both are going to change. they need to.

so i m starting fresh.

this time instead of a week at a time i am going two days

if i can do two days then two more

and so on and so forth.

I am determined to beat this laziness thing that i possess.

'til late

Long time no type...

Wow it has been forever since I even remember logging into this.

I am sitting here, my body feeling wide awake and my eyes feeling

really really sleepy, thinking about so many things.

Things I could be doing instead of sitting on the internet, things

I want to accomoplish, things I should look into, prayers I want answered but

before answers the prayers need to happen.

Shall I make a list?

I think I shall:

1. my lips hurt so I put on some chap stick. the kind that

makes them tingle. yay.

2. I want to write. Which I do sparatically but it is not very often

and there is much imporvment that needs to happen. Lately I have been throwing

around the idea of minoring in writing. Do they even make that?

has that even been done? A major in nursing and a minor in writing?

I don't know if I would even be able to accomplish that

what with the clinicals and stuff. i do however want to find a school

that offers some more writing classes.

3. i still sometimes wonder if I am supposed to be a nurse. I really really want to be

one so I don't know if that is getting in the way of what I am really supposed to

be. I guess I will find out. It will be humiliating to tell people

if I do indeed switch [which i mentioned before I do NOT want to do] becasue

people seem to automatically think higher of you when you

tell them you want to go into the health feild.

4. back to writing i don't really want to become an author I just

want to learn how to write better.

5. my walk is crap lately. i don't know what happened or when I started getting

so lazy with it. I just don't do anything. I pray constently but not like I should

I haven't read my bible for a while. UGH.

6. in church on sunday I was hit with this realization that I am not sure

if it is from me or God but that I am not where I am

supposed to be. which scares me. I supposed if I fixed the problem above I could figure

out if that thought popped into my head on my account or

because I heard God speak.

7. Iam signed up to go on the Cru. retreat and I am overly excited about it.

I really can't wait to go and be with Jesus for the weekend which was my intent

on signing up. then i was plagued

with incredibly selfish reasons like:

I remembered it is the weekend he comes home

and I was even more excited that I would be outta town.

and there will be a ton of christian guys there that weekend

ones that could potentially be my guy. this is my problem I

don't want that weekend to be anything about guys

just Jesus and me. A refresher time away from life

to reconnect with my SAVIOR. I need it so badly.

8. Most of the time I am so over him but then there are moments

when i miss him so badly it hurts and i remember he could care

less about me and a peice of me crumbles and then I feel

rediculous and well it is an annoying cycle.

9.I really want my man. I am not a patient person, though I

am not confident in myself therefore there is no way I can

even imagine someone loving me in that way.

10. I really want to learn to run. I have been trying without success

it is hard and I really hate it. I want to love it.

11. It seems as if everything I start I don't follow through with

I want to break that habit.

12. I just deleted his girlfriend from my friends on facebook

and even though she will never know it felt good.

13. I really need to take a CPR class in order to get into the RN program for the fall. I keep

forgetting, is that God or just a lame mind???

14. I need to look into schools that will give me a bachleors in Nursing and offer

an NP program also one with creative writing

courses would be a plus.

15. I wish God would tell me my path.

16. I realize then I would not be taking anything by faith.

Those are the things I am thinking about.

In the order they hit my head.

I will get back on excersising.

I do not want to be one of those people that never does

anything because they are sitting around waiting

for oppertunity and love.

I need patience.

I need to sleep....

life goes on....

Seconds

I only have a few moments.

School starts on monday

say goodbye to the summer i never had.

I took the NET today and passed at the RN

level which was an answer to prayer.

If I had failed I think I would have seriously

thought about a change in major.

He wrote me a letter

my head was sent in a tail spin my stomach keeps

falling to my toes

[it wansn't anything great]

but my heart is at peace.

"til later

Wow it's been... awhile to say the least.

I am sick of feeling sick.

My stomach has been acting up since

sunday

I feel yucky not terrible but yucky

and I leave on a outreach trip this sunday

I want to feel good.

I hate my stomach

I wonder why I have this problem

I have to work tonight

it all makes me feel angry...

Summer at last!

My class is over!!!!

I am finally on summer break!!!!

I ended up with a B in my class

which I am thrilled about!!!

Yay no more AP ever again

which is a little sad because I did enjoy it

tho I am convinced we got ripped off on

our cat dissections

we beascially cut it open the end

kinda lame in my opinion.

Now I need to take the NET test

and a CPR class and all my pre-techs for the

nursing program at LSC will be done....

My outreach trip is in two weeks to GP

and I can finally allow myself to be excited

without stressing over school...

there is still a lot of things that need to be done before

it but compared to school it is not even close to work...

So I had been really struggling in the guy area

it had taken it's toll on me and I was in a bad mood all around

so the other night I picked up a book called

When God Writes Your Love Story by Eric and Leslie Ludy

[I had read to about 1/4 of it awhile ago but my heart was no where in the right place

so I quite]

well not so this time.

It spoke right to me in the place where I needed it the most.

I recommend it.

Ok church in a few better get ready

<3

Since last time...

I wrote I have worked through so many emotions.

Emotions I guess I didn't even know I had yet.

It was so weird my mind was on a rollar coaster

my heart hurt my head was so full I was sure if I cut it open tons of stuff

would have come pouring out

but, the whole time my heart felt peace.

I know that it will all work out and now I know that

even if it doesn't work out the way that I so badly wanted

I will be ok.

Maybe I needed all those emotions just to get over it

and maybe just to make me stronger

either way I will be ok.

Last week was tough tho

I didn't get anything done so this week I am fighting to catch up

and I think the stress is getting to my stomach because

it has been really painful since tuesday.

I have a test tom that I don't feel perpared enough for

and that is not good since I feel like I am making up ground from the last

two tests.

In lab I got a B a 85.5 percent which is a solid B

and on the lecture well I got a 75.5 percent

which is a solid C and not good in my eyes

so I am fighting my way back up.

I am at a B over all still tho which is ok and this is

harder then A&P I so if I come out

with a B I am ok with that.

It's just keeping it there that will be hard.

I pray God takes pity on me and helps me thru it.

I don't think my brain will hold any more tonight and my test is at

8:30 am so the chances of me studying much in the morning are slim.

I think I better turn in

'til next time...

Already...

I miss you already.